I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
