Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
