But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
