you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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