Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
