So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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