so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
