i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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