Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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