The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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