this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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