Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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