# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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