Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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