Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
