He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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