So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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