I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
