Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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