So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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