he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
