Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
