Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
