And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
