I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
