Me. At least after what I've been through.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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