I can text with my tongue
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
