Me. At least after what I've been through.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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