you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
