Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
