Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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