Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize