Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Randomize
