On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize