Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
