Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
