I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize