Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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