kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
