you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
