I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
