Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
