apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Randomize
