Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
