I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
