I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
