Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your cock deserves a montage
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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