Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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