thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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