I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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