i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
