My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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