we're blogging at a bar
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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