I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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