you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
