These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
