party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
