Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
