Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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