sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
