...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
