so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
