Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
