I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
