I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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