Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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