yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
