Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
