This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
