rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
