....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
