The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
