I hate all girls vehemently.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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