Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
