Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
