this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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