so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
