I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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