Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
