The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
