Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
