so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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