Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
organizing the empties. That sober.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
