i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
