I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
