You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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